If we were the Writers
by pesi
Summary: What’s wrong with every character and how it can be fixed with TPTB failing Ecklie calls in new writers who have more than a little to say…..
1. Chapter 1

If we were the writers 

**Disclaimer, not mine as we all now if it was this would happen in the show…..**

Summery :What's wrong with every character and how it can be fixed with TPTB failing Ecklie calls in new writers who have more than a little to say…..

Ecklie was walking up and down the layout room with the night shift surrounding the table.

"I have called you all here as it has come to my attention that our scripts are lacking and recently I have seen many OOC behaviour from several of you" said Ecklie waving a piece of paper around. "That has come to my attention manly because the only calls about crimes I have been receiving are Grissom's straw hat and several angry letters about 'the gothic vampire dog queen' I can only assume is referring to lady Heather." He paused smiling

"Now as your leader it is my please to point out where your going wrong" he smiled walking up and looking at Cath before picking up a piece of paper "these are some of the letters we have received" he began reading

"Catherine your character has progressed form dancer to CSI to hooker. What temperature exactly do you wash your clothes at because due to the receding neck of your tops and tightness of your trousers I suggest you try a cooler wash. You are a single mum who remembers their daughter every other episode only to moan about not spending enough time with her you go out after work for drinks. Which brings me nicely onto my next point the amount of men you seem able to pull. Yes you are attractive and I'm sure many men feel this but however when you go out the entire male population of Las Vegas seems to follow behind you leaving a trail of drool try just having one man, you'll see your daughter more, your less likely to date someone who will hit you or turn out to be a murder suspect. Are you going through the change? Because you seem to have become strangely possessive about everything from crime scenes to men, I half expect you to be sat growling at the crime tape and as for Warrick, why couldn't you ask him out? You seem to be able to ask every other man in Vegas, I suggest you kill Tina and leave no evidence then comfort Warrick" Ecklie finished with a smile on his face moving onto Greg who was looking scared. While Catherine pulled at her clothes trying see how tight they were. "Do they look small?" she whispered across to Sara who simply shrugged and suggested she phoned Lindsey and asked. Ecklie shuck his head as Cath began taking picture of herself with her camera phone and sending them to Lindsey.

"Greg, what has happened to you hair? It's as if someone got a steam iron and went over it you looked much more attractive with wild hair and wilder shirts. As for the strange sucking up thing you have recently developed I'd take a tablet for it and move on. You are clearly a good CSI so stop drawing the crime scene and start processing jump up and down until someone lets you do something if that's what it takes. Another point I'd like to bring up is the fact you are clearly attractive yet you never seem to have a girlfriend. By all means keep the crush on Sara's it's cute but please feel free to move on anytime soon"

Greg quickly ruffled his hair up helped by Sara and Catherine who was leaning suggestively over Warrick to do it.

Ecklie now moved onto Sara.

"Sara congratulations on shouting at Ecklie I suggest you do this more often" he paused looking at the piece of paper as if it was on fire but continued.

"Have you considered slapping him? Next I bring up the point of Grissom who is either blind or stupid. Despite the fact Catherine can get half the men in Las Vegas you seem to have a distinct lack of male admires outside the lab. Try going up to Grissom and kissing if this doesn't work slap him for good measure. Also have you considered putting heels on and simply standing on Sofia when she wonders into frame with Grissom the same with Catherine when she's been onscreen for forty minutes moaning? It would both please people and create an interesting crime scene. I has come to my attention recently that you seem to been Doyled I suggest you run into frame each time the red light is on. Also try where clothing in brighter colours this seems to work for Catherine it may also get Grissom to notice you"

Sara looked down at her top and began trying to pull the round neck somewhere towards her cleavage before Catherine simply tore it leaving a V shape for Greg and Grissom to stare at.

"Thanks," muttered Sara

"I guess been a dancer came in handy" Cath said pointedly.

Ecklie now turned his attention Warrick.

"Warrick I suggest you get some character development other than the mystery Tina whoa s far as I can remember was only mentioned in some random conversation about you wanting to wonder around town with a gun. Also since you spend more time with everyone at work than you do at hem you think you'd at least come and introduce her. As for Catherine are you blind short of coming up to you and saying 'take me now' she has! I suggested you forget about Tina ,everyone else has and take Catherine out for a drink while remembering she has a daughter who she never spends anytime with so get her home in time to say good night"

"You look nice," said Warrick to Catherine who was reading a text from Lindsey telling her she was embarrassing her friends though it was porn.

"Thanks" smiled Catherine while running her hands through his hair something she had always wanted to do. (Well hasn't everyone?)

Ecklie now turned to Nick who was sat tapping his pen n the desk.

"Nick I'm surprised you aren't in restraints of some kind blabbering incoherently. You were abused by your baby sitter pushed out a window by a stalker, who later jumped at you thought the ceiling before been buried alive. But now you seem to be happier than every, maybe you have lost your marbles and that's your way of showing it. Asides for jumping at a creature on your arm you don't seem bothered by the experience. Personal I'd be jumping at every small sound and begging people not to leave ma lone, but maybe that's just me! I suggest you go to a therapist and wok through it before coming back and getting yourself a girlfriend other than people who are likely to be murdered."

Nick looked sadly at everyone "I'm just trying to be happy, but every time I see flexi glass it scares me I can't go to McDonalds anymore because of the windows" cried Nick burring his head in Sara's shoulder "I want it to stop, make then hurt someone else" he cried as Sara simply look at Greg who shrugged

"We'll get him a straight jacket if her starts crying" Greg said Sara nodded patting Nick's head.

"It's ok Nick we'll get you a happy meal later" said Sara to Nick sat up with the trade mark grin on his face

Finally with a grin Ecklie turned his attention to Grissom.

"For someone who's' supposed to be smart you seem exceptionally dumb. Most men would be happy that someone like Sara found them attractive not scared! I thought it was you hearing that went not your sight. You will pleased to know I know what to do about this, KISS HER! You are clearly not getting any better offers, something many men would think was impossible ( Greg included) so for gods sake take the women out to dinner. Try shoving Ecklie in his office and locking the door this will eliminate the chance of getting disciplined for a office romance, I honestly don't' believe anything would get in the way of your work as you would tie Catherine down and put a mussel on her to get to a crime scene. You are both adults and therefore should be able to conduct an adult relationship. My next point is we all get your very smart but surely no one person can know as much as you! Does your phone have the internet and your simply typing things into a search engine to look smart? Also could you try quoting something from a book I have read, such as Harry Potter? Everyone watching wouldn't have to get a dictionary to work out what you were saying and it would be a character quirk. One final point, what is the straw hat about? Did you recently go visit a farm in the past? Ye sit may have looked good while you were there but you are now in Vegas and just because some people dress strangely doesn't mean you have to you ate running the risk of losing all authority and female admirers". Ecklie finished with a smile.

"do like the hat?" Grissom asked everyone to a series of no's

"erm Sara hwo about after this we tie eckeli to his chair and blwo the office up then maybe grab something to eat?"

"Sure, were taking Nicky to get a happy meal anyway we'll slip away when Cath and Warrick are making out, Greg's flirting with the person serving him and Nick's running around screaming at the flexi Glass"

"It's a date," replied Grissom

"I have decide due to these complaints," he pointed to large pile of paper on the floor and then to the piles overflowing it the hallway "that we will hire new writers from so we will start next episode"

Excited muttering broke out.

"Greg lose the shirt and go to the lab where you will be dismantling a bomb with the help of Archie and Hodges who will sadly get electrocuted by a freak hotplate incident" Greg smiled pulling his shirt of and leaving.

"Warrick your shirt is optional you and Catherine with be locked in the dark room together until your start kissing, Tina has already been erased form the show if anyone asks we will simply tell them there getting confused with CSI New York" Warrick grinned following Cath out asking if she wanted his shirt on or not.

"Grissom and Sara you will be in the morgue where a body will come back to life and attack you, doc Robbins will make a brief appearance to knock the guy out with his crutch before leaving you two to kiss passionately" he said looking at the script with raised eyebrows before Sara happily lead Grissom away.

"Nick you will be shirtless washing the lab windows, make sure to get bubbles down yourself before you have to rescue Brass whose been held hostage by Sofia, once you save him you both come back to the lab and wait in the break room with beer until everyone else joins you and gets drunk"

Nick nodded losing the shirt before turning back "what will you be doing?" he asked

"I will walking around the lab trying to find something you are all doing wrong when Bobby runs onto me with a highly combustible liquid, I'm not mentioned in any other pages" he said flipping through "guess I'll be in the next episode" he said

That's' what you think! was at the bottom of the script

THE END!

What did you think to that fairly random piece of writing. Just to point out I'm not trying to insult or bash any characters just making a joke mostly at myself. Let me know what you think, I wrote this as I'm having writers block with my comedy a series of interesting events!


	2. Nick's script

A/N I wrote this because of the huge and slightly surprising response I got to it so been me I couldn't leave it as it was, hope you like it

Ecklie wondered into the hall checking his script every few seconds to check that no one diverted. Nick was currently stood with two large buckets of soppy water ether side of him and a sponge in one hand wiping at the window. He checked his water soaked script that way on the floor. Apparently it required him to get very soppy. He decided the best way of doing his would be to simply take the sponge and squeeze it over his head allowing water and bubbles to run down his muscular chest.

"HEY" Ecklie's voice was heard shouting down the halls at several female members of the lab who were stood starring. Just on time Nick's phone rang asking him to meet Sofia in an abandoned warehouse. He looked down at he script which didn't give any instruction on whether he was supposed to put his top back on so decided to keep it off while he drove. As the script didn't call for him to be seen driving he found himself parking outside in a matter of seconds.

"Nick you're late" smiled Sofia who could be seen from the doorway, Nick looked down at his watch and time had somehow fast-forwarded itself. Sofia advanced into the light she was wearing back trousers and a blue shirt tied in knot so you could see her abdomen she was also sporting a pink I hate CSI Sidle baseball hat.

"What we got?" asked Nick pulling out his kit and walking in only to find Brass tied down to a chair in front of him. There were two large red sticks with high explosive written on them tied to the chair legs (just like grave danger encase anyone didn't realise there was a bomb on Nick's coffin, Walter took the time to tie them so we could see the writing!)

"Brass" called Nick who in shock dropped his kit. "Hang on" Nick grabbed his script and flicked through "this looks like a good storey line, shouldn't Catherine be around her somewhere?" he asked Sofia who smiled

"She's tried to a chair in the office kept shouting something about screen time, but we gagged her" smiled Sofia.

"Oh, you mean it's just us three"

"Yes"

"Wait I'm not going to have to do any more stunts am I?" he asked sheepishly

"No, but apparently you weren't traumatised enough the first few times and the new writers seem to want to test how far they can push you before you have to be tied down and get the chipper smirk of your face"

Nick stood looking offended

"That's the script" smiled Sofia

"And your enjoying it a bit too much" he said pouting slightly.

"Can we get on!" cried Brass who was struggling against his flimsy restraints.

"Oh right sorry," said Nick turning his attention back to the captain before staring intently at Sofia.

"What?" she asked

"Well this would be the bit when you tell me why you have Brass tied up" said Nick "let me guess he's a friend of Grissom's so he' in the way"

"That would be correct well done we are quite the investigator aren't we" mocked Sofia circling Brass and Nick playing with a small black cylinder in her hand.

"Then why call me here, why not just kill him?" asked Nick

"Because I want you to see, I want you to know what I'm capable of maybe that way I will get some attention around here, but of course I was sadly to late to save both you and Brass and because of the injuries I received during trying to save you that should keep Gil away from Sara and at my beck and cal for the next month" smiled Sofia backing away and towards the door.

"Why me?" asked Nick

"Well lets say he's become fond of you since your little resurrection experience" grinned Sofia "may as well kill two birds with one stone"

"Why not Sara?"

"I tried she didn't' answer her pager, stupid bitch" she added with venom. Meanwhile during her rant Brass had freed himself from his restraints with lighting fast reflexes Nick dived at Sofia knocking her to the floor (sadly he forgot his gun) while he struggled Brass stood shouting at Nick he was fine they could go.

"Sofia give it up," cried Nick as she went for a evil move and pulled his hair making him realise his grip so they both stumbled to heir feet.

"Brass?" questioned Nick looking around.

"I've been trying to tell you we can go for the past two minutes," said Brass looking sternly at him.

"You're not going anywhere," said Sofia pressing the button. All three-stood waiting for the explosion but none came.

"What the hell?" said Sofia madly pressing the button.

"Sofia you never wee that good a CSI, you haven't wired it properly," said Nick picking up a wire while Brass detained Sofia.

"So what do you want do now?" asked Brass as car came to take Sofia away.

"We'll someone promised me a happy meal that I still haven't got," said Nick pouting

"Well my car's somewhere outside, how about we go get one then call and get some beer take it back to the lab and celebrate" smiled Brass as they went outside.

**MEANWHILE………..** Greg, Archie and Hodges had found a large bomb tapped under the lab table

TBC…..


	3. Greg's script

Greg was stood talking to Archie about his music when Hodges entered followed by an unexplained sound of booing.

"Hey this isn't a comedy we don't need the sound effects," shouted Ecklie at a sound tech down the hallway.

"Do you hear that?" asked Hodges both Archie and Greg looked confused.

"No" they replied together

"Actually neither do I" said Hodges listening.

"What are you doing, I'm fairly certain the script didn't say you lost the plot" said Greg laughing at Hodges as he cupped his hand to his ear.

"No I think you've lost plot there's supposed to be ticking" said Hodges scowling.

"SOUND" shouted Ecklie from down the corridor and ticking filled the room.

"Yer where's it coming from?" asked Archie as Greg followed the sound to a table. Bending down and showing off the fact his playboy boxers could be seen sticking over his trousers.

"Oh my god" cried Greg enthusiastically " a storey line" he smiled getting up.

"What?" shouted Hodges?

"There's a huge bomb under there," said Greg excitedly waving his arms. "And I'm in here, that's a story line. Wait I'm not getting blown up again I'm I?" he said looking around nervously.

He flipped thought the script to find written in bold **please remember to show more than a minutes emotion at been traumatised from the last explosion!**

"Get on with it" cried Ecklie from down the corridor.

"Oh right" Greg sheepishly bent down under the table with one quick action he flipped the table so it's legs were sticking up in the air. Hodges found himself starring momentarily at Greg's surprisingly muscled chest, which he'd been eyeing for the past few minutes.

"We need to evacuate the lab," instructed Archie.

"No there's not enough time, we need to diffuse it" said Greg examining it.

"We'll aren't we Tom Cruise, I think that's Mission impossible" said Hodges the only person laughing at his joke.

"That was good," he complained leaning back against the table. Unfortunately he lent back and caught his arm on the hotplate, pulling it away quickly and connecting with the DNA sampler that Archie was fixing. Hodges arm connected with a free wire (still plugged in) and sent shocks through his body. Before shaking rather over acted and falling to the floor.

Both Greg and Archie looked at each other before grabbing a nearby script and flicking through

"Oh thank god for that we don't' have to do CRP, David will be here shortly" sighed Greg putting the script back down before David appeared smiling in the doorway.

David spent an extra long time putting his kit down before bending down and poking Hodges with a scalpel.

"Well he's not bleeding so I'd says he's almost certainly dead," said David.

"Come on stop adding your own lines, your thirty seconds are almost up and you haven't said COD"

"We'll COD appears to be a massive heart attack cased by a electric current. The current passed through his heart making it contract out of sequence like a wobbling jelly" he was interrupted as Ecklie appeared.

"Ok that's' the Doc's part out" he pulled David to his feet while Greg and Archie lifted Hodges body onto the handy gurney.

"NO PLEASE I CAN ACT, I CAN HAVE A STORY, I CAN DO BACKSTORY" cried David grabbing the gurney luckily this made it easier for Ecklie to drag both him and the body away.

"Greg the bomb" said Archie turning his attention back to the script that was writing itself as he stood there.

"Must be a rewrite," said Greg as large letters appeared on it.

GET ON WITH THE GOD DANM BOMB IF THIS WAS REAL TIME YOU'D ALL BE DEAD, THERE'S ONLY SO MANY TIMES WE CAN CUT BEFORE SOEMONE REALISES IT'S SAID ONE MINTUE FOR THE PAST FIVE

"I don't' think we should anger them, they may make us do decomp's for a week" said Greg going back to the bomb. Nervously he debated whether or not to touch it a sudden flash back to the last time the lab exploded nearly caused Archie to fall over. A quick close up to Greg face (making sure to show the fear in his lovely eyes) and everything was normal.

"Ok I think I can do it, it's just like wiring your house"

"Your good with electrics?" asked Archie as Greg pulled out some pliers.

"Well I fitted my lights with a dimmer switch"

"That's it a dimmer switch," shouted Archie waving his arms.

"Yes, well no I started by I got confused so I called Sara, wow does she look hot with a tool belt.

Suddenly the script caught fire.

"Um I think their angry" said Archie grabbing a fire extinguisher and putting it out.

"Ok" with that Greg pulled the orange wire and clock stopped with five seconds left.

"Wow nice work" smiled Archie patting Greg on the back.

"Thanks, now I've got to go to the break room to met Nick," he said taking the charred remains of the script with him.

"Yer I just saw Nick actually his in the hallway with Brass." Said Archie pointing to where they were crouched on the floor.

"Hey what's going on?" asked Greg approaching them "man those new writers are testy, get on with the story, stop going of plot and was it me or did Catherine keep walking back and forth behind the widow in that scene, did we run out of extra's again?"

"Oh no security were chasing her, she heard there was bomb plot that she hadn't caused, figured it didn't involve her so was planning on running in at the last minute and throwing herself on it" said Brass.

"We should have let her" added Nick looking up.

"What are you doing?" asked Greg crouching down and sadly putting his shirt back on as Nick had.

"It's my free gift," said Nick happily holding up a wind-up kangaroo 2from my happy meal" he added.

"It would have been better if you didn't start screaming at the order window and banging on the glass you freaked the assistant out" said Brass to which Nick just turned his head away.

"Look at I got" said Brass pulling his jacket open "it's a police badge" he said smiled as Nick just gave Greg a don't ask look.

"So your um supposed to have beer" said Greg .

"Oh yer but we can't go in there until everyone else gets there so were just hanging out, it tried to go in there a minute ago but all of a sudden flexi glass started falling from the ceiling" he said looking frightened.

"Writers?" asked Greg.

"Yep" replied Nick

"If we go in there now, then apparently people will wonder what we've been doing not drinking or sat there until everyone else turns up, if we go in together then it will look like all this happened at the same time" said Brass

"It's not," questioned Greg.

"Are you kidding imagine if Cath found out that she'd be running around like a headless chicken she can only be in one place at once" he laughed

"And where is she now"

"What happening now"? Asked Brass looking at the script. As big bold letters appeared

**The C in CSI does not stand for Catherine! There will be no weird slow motion ending with her walking away (yes I've just watched bite me and did not get the ending why slow motion!)**

MEANWHILE………. Catherine and Warrick were getting hot and cramped in a cupboard……….


	4. Out my cupboard

Catherine and Warrick were fumbling around shelves in a small surprisingly well-lit cupboard

"You know this would be much easier if I knew what I was looking for," said Warrick looking annoyed

"The script doesn't say it just says searching and keep bumping into each other"

"Fine" wit that Warrick began searching the cupboard by knocking things of there shelves repeatedly hitting Catherine

"You know getting elbowed in the face isn't' very romantic" she commented as the script shot up hitting her in the face with a sudden draft went under the door

"Oh it says toughing hands etc" smirked Catherine staring openly at Warrick's exposed torso. They continued searching catching each others hands when putting them on shelves when Cath got her phone out taking a picture of Warrick

"What are you doing?" he asked

"Sending it to Lindsey" she smiled she keeps texting me since I told her what we were doing asking for a picture" said Cath completely oblivious to the fact Lindsey wanted a picture of Warrick topless.

"God how long do we have to do this it's hot," moaned Cath pulling at her top.

"Will you stop that" said Warrick

"What"

"Pulling at your top its um…revealing" he replied blushing and turning away.

Cath turned a huge grin on her face whipping out her camera phone took a picture of herself and text Sara asking what she though of her hair.

A few seconds later and Cath's phone beeped

**Its fine**

Cath smiled and continued to rearrange her hair every few minters glancing at Warrick to make sure he was watching as he shuffled through shelf's hoping if he found the right thing he would either get to kiss Cath or at least get out the oven they were currently trapped in.

Cath took her phone out and began texting again

**Are you sure, what do you think of my top?**

**It's fine I'm in the morgue get on with your bit so I can get out of her waiting around is boring Sara**

Cath took one last look at her fuzzy appearance in the back of her phone before deciding she should take her hair down from the pony tail it was in. After fluffing it up she took a photo and sent it to Sara

Cath I don't' care what your hair looks like I don't' care what you look like I seem to barley care what I look like 

Came the reply Cath not one to give up pulled her top down to show a good deal of her cleavage as Warrick winced trying not to stare obviously while Cath stuck the camera phone practically to her chest and sent the picture

**You look like a hooker**

"Ok I've had enough lets get out of here so I can kill Sara " said Cath turning and trying the door but finding it was locked

"It's locked"

"Cath this door doesn't' have a love" replied Warrick banging against it. "And you can't kill Sara you have a fight in three episodes time involving mud" said Warrick a bit too excitedly pulling Cath away from the door "what did she say anyway?" he asked

"That I look like a hooker" pouted Catherine

"You look fine to me girl" he smiled still holding on to her arm

"You don't' look bad yourself" replied Cath as her phone went of

**Try taking the belt of for easy access someone might as well get some Grissom wont even speak to me until our scene starts because of the rules he keeps staring at the dead bodies excitedly and it's creeping me out**

Cath read the text and smiled before noticing Warrick still had hold of her arm she stepped forward so she was face to face with him. The heat and the tension rising she lent in and kissed him at which point the door swung open.

"Oh now it opens, I was hoping it would say shut," grinned Cath

"I think I could wedge something in the way" replied Warrick with an evil grin grabbing a mental bar while Cath sent one last text.

**Thanks this should turn Grissom on** with a picture of a ladybug unfortunately Catherine was slightly distracted while sending it as Warrick was stripping as she did it she didn't notice the text she got back

What is uncle Gil turning on wit a big? Lindsey xx 

Ten minutes later and after several lab techs had tried to break down the door of the cupboard because of the strange noises coming form it Cath and Warrick emerged red and flustered and almost fully dressed. Cath had her shirt buttoned wrong and Warrick had somehow managed to put on Cath's shoes on in the hurry to get out before Ecklie came along.

"Wow you two are red the writers make you run laps or something?" asked Nick as Warrick and Cath entered the break room straightening themselves out.

"Well we got a good workout," replied Warrick as Archie shouted down the hallway

"What did you do to my cupboard you broke the shelves"

"Cupboard"? Asked Brass

"Hey aren't' we supposed to be waiting for Sara and Grissom" asked Cath changing the subject rapidly.

"No we can start drinking now" replied Greg tossing Warrick a beer "the writers seem to have forgotten us" he added smiling as suddenly for no reason the tap came off the sink spraying water across Brass

"DAMN" cursed Brass "you had to annoy them I told you we should have waited" "well done maybe that's why they didn't' want us in here" said Greg going over to try and help Brass turn the tap off as the sink seemed to be plugged with complaint letters about Ecklie and was rapidly filing up.

"Great work Greg now there going to drown us" shouted Brass

"No according to the script they've seen a opportunity fun some fun," said Nick waving it around "yer real fun," he muttered

"We could use a little help" shouted Greg as Nick and Warrick came but with so many people pulling the rest of the tap simply came of sending a spout of water in the air.

"What that?" bellowed Ecklie's cry from down the corridor.

"Quick" shouted Warrick as Cath slammed the door shut pushing the seat up against it.

"Windows" shouted Nick taking his top of and attempting to plug the leak.

Cath frantically pulled the blinds just in time as Ecklie began banging on the door.

"Where's the stopcock?" shouted Brass now in his dripping wet shirt that was truing slightly see through. Greg had shoved his shirt on top of Warrick's and all three men were pressing down causing the water to simply flow out down the counter.

"Not in here" said Catherine as the pressure became too much and the shirts and men flew backwards as water erupted into the air soaking everything around it and running over the side.

"Phone Sara get her and Grissom to help," suggested Greg as the men managed to shove a temporary bung of shirts and stuffing bags of fan mail down the pipe.

**TBC…….**

**A/N Ok let me know what you think and just a quick question anyone but me spend the entire episode of shooting stars waiting for Mulder and Scully to come and take charge? (Not that that's a bad thing really I liked it expect Grissom's hat and Greg's hair!) Oh and I actually thought the helicopter was the mother ship coming! Also I want he lights that looked like the stars pretty!**


	5. the End

**Thanks for all the reviews here's the last chapter hope you enjoy it**

Sara was stood in the cool morgue waiting for something to happen she was even beginning to wonder if Grissom was breathing, he simply stood like a statue as they waited fro Doc Robbins to come in. suddenly there was a strange noise causing both the CSI's to react

"What was that?" asked Sara uncharacteristically unsettled but she had been stood in the morgue for nearly twenty minutes and that was enough to make even the great Gil Grissom twitchy.

"Sounded like a zip" replied Grissom looking around for a source when the body bag on the gurney across the room from the lurched upwards. Taken completely by surprise Sara let out a small shout while Grissom looked at it as if one of his experiments had come to life.

"What didn't the script say about this!" shouted Sara looking at it

"It does now it also says must convey real shock," he said putting it down as a hand appeared out he body bag and began unzipping it. As the bag unzipped and fell to the table a man dressed in nothing but his underwear sat on the table smiling at the two of them.

"Clearly it was a poisonous snake bite that simply slowed his metabolism down and in the warm of the body bag it speed up bringing him back to life" said Grissom as Sara stared wide eyed at him.

"Remember not knowing everything" she commented backing away slightly.

"Say something sensible" she said as the man hoped down form the gurney.

"Like what?"

"Like it's a vampire"

"Who would think that?" asked Grissom as the man looked around his surroundings.

"Greg" replied Sara

"He watches too much Buffy," commented Grissom as Sara turned to him with a grin

"Careful you made a pop-culture reference" mocked Sara as Grissom smiled in return when the man grabbed a scalpel from the side and lunged at the two CSI's. With lightening fast reflexes (and the fact he had just red it in the script so knew what was coming) Grissom knocked Sara to the floor at the same time the morgue door swung open hitting the mans face knocking him out cold.

"What the hell" asked Al stood crutch in one hand looking over the now unconscious body.

"Not one of yours" questioned Grissom pulling Sara up to her feet.

"No" replied Al "David I told you to make sure the body's were dead" shouted Al as muffled shouting returned and two men dragged the man out the morgue door.

"What?" shouted Al "sorry were having trouble with David he keeps says he wants a back story and refuses to except he's no getting any soon so we've tied him to a chair in the office" he said turning to Sara and Grissom

"I saw the gurney outside so I wheeled it in" shouted David

"It isn't even one of our body bags I'm going to have to go speak to him" sighed Al shutting the door.

"So what do we do now?" asked Sara

"Something I've been waiting to do for ages," replied Grissom leaning in and kissing her.

"Well it's about time," replied Sara after they finally broke the embrace "suppose we better go meet the others" sighed Sara "snake bite" she added mockingly

"Well its better than vampire! Help someone get a cross the dead bodies coming to get me" said Grissom in as best girly voice as he could manage receiving a slap from Sara as her phone went off.

"It's Cath she says there's a slight leak bring some plumbing gear to the break room" Sara looked at Grissom who did his trademark eyebrow raise before disappearing momentary and coming back with a convenient bag of tools and some pipes.

"Les go" he smiled taking Sara's hand and walking of down the corridor.

When they arrived at the break room they found all the blinds were shut and when trying the door that it was wedged shut. Ecklie had disappeared of down the corridor in search of something to break the door down with.

"Sara is that you" shouted Cath from inside.

"Yes," replied Sara as a window on the side slid open and Cath's head appeared out it.

"Your going to have to come in through here" she said as Grissom gave her a look which told her he was going to need a little more convincing than Sara who had already got a chair to climb on.

"What's going on?" asked Grissom as Sara climbed on the chair sticking her head through the window.

"Their making a indoor pool" smirked Sara seeing all three men topless and lent over a sink which was shooting water of in different directions.

"Come on then get in here with the tools," shouted Cath almost pulling Sara through the window in one tug.

"Quick before Ecklie gets back" added Catherine as Grissom made his way through losing his footing completely he fell on Sara who was pushed face first into the couple of inches of water accumulated on the floor.

"Sorry" muttered Grissom as Sara got up coughing.

"Sorry! That was not in script," warned Sara taking a pipe form the side threateningly.

"Give me that" Cath grabbed the pipe from her before she managed to do some harm with it.

"Lets just mend this before Ecklie breaks the door down and finds out what we've done," said Greg moving his hands for a dramatic gesture and causing a large waterspout to shot up on the air soaking Nick and Warrick.

"Oh nice" smiled Sara who was already soaked after Grissom used her as a buoyancy aid.

"Come on then someone flex their muscles and fix it," said Cath handing the tools to Warrick who bent down under the sink.

"I'm singing in the rain" started Sara

"This is not a musical not for a couple of weeks anyway" said Cath

"We don't even know what's wrong have a look if it says so in the script" said Warrick as Cath found the water logged script.

Property of the authors of if harmed in anyway beware the consequences 

"Well then?" asked Nick anxiously

"I don't think you want to know," said Cath attempting to smooth the pages out.

"Cath what are you doing?" asked Sara snatching it away from her while the men including Grissom looked at the plumbing.

"Well what do you think that means?" asked Sara as another spout of water erupted causing the place to flood faster.

"Guys your supposed to fixing it not making it worse" shouted Catherine over the roar of water.

"I don't; think we can all the pipes are shot we need to find the stopcock," said Warrick getting up his trousers stuck to his legs. Greg's hair was flattered against his forehead along with Nick's that look surprisingly long once it was stuck down. Grissom's shirt had turned see through and was distracting Sara from what was happening.

"We need to get out of here," suggested Greg going to the window and finding it wouldn't open.

"Hey what's going on?" he shouted banging it hard.

"Lets move this" Sara grabbed one end of the sofa and Cath the other

"It wont budge" shouted Sara now ankle deep in water pulling bits of stray wet hair that were in her eye line.

"What are we going to do wait until it fills up?" shouted Nick slightly panicked "I DON'T LIKE BEEN TRAPPED YOU HEAR ME. I'LL PANIC MORE LET ME OUT"

"Oh now he has a breakdown" sighed Sara grabbing a chair

"What are you doing?" asked Grissom as she charged at a window only to bounce off it landing with a splash.

"Special strength to deal with the occasional small explosion" said Greg regretting asking for new glass after the lab incident.

"WERE ALL GOING TO DIE," screamed Nick running in a small circle before Warrick grabbed his arm.

"I think we annoyed the writers," said Cath waving the wet script around.

"Ok if you get us out this we'll do whatever you want" shouted Cath at the ceiling making everyone wonder if she had lost the plot.

"Oh this reminds me of when I rescued Lindsey..." stared Cath before everyone chimed in

"Shut up"

"I was just saying," pouted Cath as the water reached their knees.

"Ok I really don't; have a death wish" shouted Sara grabbing Grissom and pulling him into a hug "but if I'm going to die I'm going to die happy" she added kissing him with such force they fell backwards into the water.

"Wow free porn," commented Greg getting hit around the head by Nick.

"Please stop them before this gets NC17" shouted Nick trying to shield Greg's eyes

"Oh I've got something" shouted Cath waving the script around, "its too smudged to read" she handed it to Warrick while Nick tried unsuccessfully to pull Sara away from Grissom.

"Man are they coming up for air?" asked Greg who was now stood on the couch attempting to keep out the water that bit longer.

If you want something doing properly get a women to do it 

With that Catherine grabbed a wrench and dived under the water to the shouts of Warrick with in seconds the spot of water stopped and at the same time Ecklie rammed the door open. He was washed backwards by the sudden thrust of water. Catherine fell back onto Warrick and was washed into the corridor face down on him while Greg rode the sofa like a surfboard. Nick was saved from falling into the water by the many female lab staff that grabbed him; while Grissom and Sara simply rode with the flow of the water still kissing only stopping when they hit the corridor wall.

"Now that was the kiss of life" smiled Sara finally coming up fro air form a very red and flustered looking Grissom.

"I don't know I think we may need some practice" he suggested pulling her up "and these are wet clothes we should get out of them" he said leading Sara to his office and slamming the door before the blinds were harshly pulled down.

"That top looks very clingy I think you should take it off" smiled Warrick at Cath

"I have my own office now" she smiled leading him away. Nick was sat on the floor been mobbed by a group of women who were finding every excuse to touch his bare chest. While Greg seemed to have made it al the way outside on his sofa crashing through the entrance doors he had grabbed a young female cop who happened to get in the way and had somehow convinced her into letting him check her over with a full physical.

"What the hell" shouted Ecklie getting up and marching towards Grissom's occupied office when Bobby came round the corner pushing a trolley of liquids. It wasn't until the trolley hit Ecklie Bobby saw him the force of the explosion sent him flying backwards but he was protected by the table that followed him pinning either side of him with the legs in the walls. All they found of Ecklie was an ear.

THE END 


End file.
